Although I have been to Greece many times, my Greek language skills are abysmal. I never seem to have the time, dedication or ambition to study this exceedingly complicated language. The language geek in me should delight in conjugating irregular verbs, but the enormity of the project is daunting. I understand much more than I speak, probably because of the impromptu Greek language lessons that I get from native speakers.

There was some good news in this lesson. The three native speakers were intent on correcting my culinary skills not my Greek language proficiency.

The other day as I was basking in the sun, drying off from a swim at a secluded semi private beach I was burdened with a conversational Greek lesson. Oh no, just the thought of it left me tongue tied. My task was to describe in detail what I had prepared and served for dinner the previous evening. It went wrong from my first stilted words, and then spiraled into a kind of incredulous hilarity.

Sitting on the edge of my lounge chair, the late afternoon sun burning a hole in the sky, I started to speak. I didn’t get past the first sentence before the three of them interjected.

I told them that the first step was to put some frozen peas in a bowl and warm them up in the microwave.

Their reaction was immediate and unanimous. I had used the wrong verb. They explained to me that I had suggested that the peas get cooked in the microwave. I informed them that I was definitely telling them to cook the peas in the microwave. They just shook their heads and stared at me, and then one of the three piped up and said I must have meant to say that the peas must first be boiled. No boiling I said. The trio then insisted on the boiling method again. No boiling of peas ever I insisted. They just laughed, surely I was mistaken. Everyone knows that you boil frozen peas.

The most patient of the group decided to get to the bottom of this problem. She had me recount exactly how I cooked the peas, step by step. I told her the following. Cut open bag, pour peas in bowl, cover with cling wrap, microwave a couple of minutes. She was convinced, I really meant what I was saying. It was not a valid cooking method, but at least I was expressing myself correctly in Greek.

Hurray for progress. I passed the impromptu Greek lesson of the day, even if my cooking skills were suspect.